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Reblogged from partybarackisinthehousetonight

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

*accidentally slams door* *gets lectured for 84 years*

(via foodless)

Reblogged from jonwithabullet

poetwithoutadream:

i love this fucking quote so fucking much

(Source: jonwithabullet, via swankyjames)

Reblogged from onlinecounsellingcollege
If you wait to do everything until you are sure it’s right, you’ll probably not do much of anything. Win Borden (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

(via twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck)

Reblogged from partybarackisinthehousetonight

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

never let your printer know that you waited until the last minute to print something and you’re in a hurry. they can sense fear

(via twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck)

Reblogged from tastefullyoffensive
meatbicyclevevo:

is-earned-not-given:

sultana-bran:

jesselaceypanties:

whose dog is it?

It’s not a dog it’s a kangaroo

99% sure that’s not a kangaroo


 look at that kangaroo

meatbicyclevevo:

is-earned-not-given:

sultana-bran:

jesselaceypanties:

whose dog is it?

It’s not a dog it’s a kangaroo

99% sure that’s not a kangaroo

look at that kangaroo

(Source: tastefullyoffensive, via fuckyeahloldemort)

Reblogged from bent-duck
mikalhvi:

gentlemanbones:

"What is that, some kind of stone, like a heating stone? An odd pattern, it kind of looks like—
…Oh.”

is that a goddamn condom full of spaghetti

mikalhvi:

gentlemanbones:

"What is that, some kind of stone, like a heating stone? An odd pattern, it kind of looks like—

…Oh.”

is that a goddamn condom full of spaghetti

(Source: bent-duck, via fuckyeahloldemort)

Reblogged from nasdaq
thissickbaet:

anonymousmisfit:

isolatedartisan:

italyans:

nasdaq:

#FridayFun time! Now here’s an innovation the world is ready for: The Cuddle Mattress, which introduces slats to the upper half of the bed, making it easier to slip your arm around your partner and still sleep in comfort. http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/08/27/216091675/weekly-innovation-a-mattress-that-makes-it-easier-to-cuddle

this is it.
THIS IS FUCKING IT.
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF ARMS FALLING ASLEEP AND ACHING NECKS WE’VE FINALLY ARRIVED
THERE IS NO MORE WORRYING NOW THAT WE HAVE THESE FOAM STRIPS TO SHOVE OUR GRUBBY LITTLE ARMS INTO. JUST THINK OF THE OPPORTUNITIES. MAYBE SOME KID CAN FILL A PLASTIC BAG WITH LUBE, TUCK IT BETWEEN THIS SHIT, AND JUST GO TO FUCKING TOWN ON THIS STATE-OF-THE-ART MATTRESS 
BUT THATS NOT ALL. DO YOUR FUCKING TOES GET COLD? SHOVE YOUR FEET IN THESE CUSHIONS AND SLEEP SOUNDLY KNOWING YOUR FOOT-NUBS ARE FREE OF THE COLD.
NEED TO KEEP YOUR PHONE CLOSER WHILE YOU SLEEP? TOSS IT IN THE CRACK. AFRAID TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE IN THEIR NURSERY? WEDGE IT INTO THE CRACK. JUST FUCKING DO IT. EVER TEMPTED TO SIP A BEVERAGE WITHOUT GETTING OUT OF BED? SHOVE A CUP AND THERE AND INSERT YOUR STRAW. PRESTO-CHANGO, MOTHERFUCKERS. 
WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS. THIS BED CAN SOLVE ALL OF THE PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD. GO OUT THERE AND BUY YOUR CUDDLING, MASTURBATORY, CHILD-AND-DRINK-HOLDING, PHONE-STORING MATTRESS RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO GOD

Tumblr users should never make infomercials

Reasons why tumblr users should definitely write infomercials.

why would you shove your child into it what are you saying

thissickbaet:

anonymousmisfit:

isolatedartisan:

italyans:

nasdaq:

#FridayFun time! Now here’s an innovation the world is ready for: The Cuddle Mattress, which introduces slats to the upper half of the bed, making it easier to slip your arm around your partner and still sleep in comfort. http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/08/27/216091675/weekly-innovation-a-mattress-that-makes-it-easier-to-cuddle

this is it.

THIS IS FUCKING IT.

AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF ARMS FALLING ASLEEP AND ACHING NECKS WE’VE FINALLY ARRIVED

THERE IS NO MORE WORRYING NOW THAT WE HAVE THESE FOAM STRIPS TO SHOVE OUR GRUBBY LITTLE ARMS INTO. JUST THINK OF THE OPPORTUNITIES. MAYBE SOME KID CAN FILL A PLASTIC BAG WITH LUBE, TUCK IT BETWEEN THIS SHIT, AND JUST GO TO FUCKING TOWN ON THIS STATE-OF-THE-ART MATTRESS 

BUT THATS NOT ALL. DO YOUR FUCKING TOES GET COLD? SHOVE YOUR FEET IN THESE CUSHIONS AND SLEEP SOUNDLY KNOWING YOUR FOOT-NUBS ARE FREE OF THE COLD.

NEED TO KEEP YOUR PHONE CLOSER WHILE YOU SLEEP? TOSS IT IN THE CRACK. AFRAID TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE IN THEIR NURSERY? WEDGE IT INTO THE CRACK. JUST FUCKING DO IT. EVER TEMPTED TO SIP A BEVERAGE WITHOUT GETTING OUT OF BED? SHOVE A CUP AND THERE AND INSERT YOUR STRAW. PRESTO-CHANGO, MOTHERFUCKERS. 

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS. THIS BED CAN SOLVE ALL OF THE PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD. GO OUT THERE AND BUY YOUR CUDDLING, MASTURBATORY, CHILD-AND-DRINK-HOLDING, PHONE-STORING MATTRESS RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO GOD

Tumblr users should never make infomercials
Reasons why tumblr users should definitely write infomercials.

why would you shove your child into it what are you saying

(via twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck)

Reblogged from mothersnewsofficial
chucklestheboywonder:


WHY DOES THIS MAKE ME SO HAPPY EVERYTIME I SEE IT

chucklestheboywonder:

WHY DOES THIS MAKE ME SO HAPPY EVERYTIME I SEE IT

(Source: mothersnewsofficial, via twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck)

Reblogged from ghostie-toro

things that have no chill

torobabe:

-me

-automatic toilets

-people who clap when the plane lands

(via twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck)

Reblogged from shitfestcomic
all-i-ever-wanted-dear:

shitfestcomic:

#135

I read this comic 2 days ago and I’m STILL laughing at it

all-i-ever-wanted-dear:

shitfestcomic:

#135

I read this comic 2 days ago and I’m STILL laughing at it

(via twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck)